"ONLY IN ALBERTA!" TOUR
SEPT 2005

We have so much damn fun in Alberta that this fall we decided to play there 6 straight nights over the Labour Day long weekend. Jasper, Edmonton, Red Deer, Calgary, Banff and Canmore were our targets. We hadn't been to New City's stage in a while and Edmonton as always was 100% rock'n'roll. So were the rowdy inmates of Jasper and our first trip to the Hifi Club in Calgary was a sold-out success. The HiFi was put together by the old crew from the Night Gallery and they really did it right. We hadn't been back to Red Deer in a few years. Despite the food poisioning that nailed Stagecoach, Starlett, and myself to the wall from Edmonton, the show at the "A" was tops. I know that I should have suspected something was wrong when I started ... and when I crawled over to the silver bucket and puked my guts out they went nuts. Only in AB.

"NATURAL DISASTERS" TOUR
SEPT - OCT 2005

After recording the bed tracks for our upcoming CD, we headed our new luxury-type Ford van (aka "the Palace") towards Boise. It was awesome to play there again aand it was a packed Wednesday night with burlesque dancers, greasers and some cool old hot rods outside. And a few other lovely things - nce!

Two reasons I love Boise ...

Then off to see some old friends in Salt Lake City / Provo where we burned up two stages with the Utah County Swiller (Durwood & Sweatin' Willie's newest group). Provo was the Utah highlight - who knew? - before heading east to Denver for an off-the-hook Sunday night show. sCare-oline was stoked to share the stage with Munly and the Lee Lewis Harlots (he's also in Slim Cessna's Auto Club) and we found them awesome on and off-stage. A great dynamic songs and old-school presence like that can't be duplicated. Next up were the Legendary Shack Shakers and t5he Colonel didn't let us down. He was his manic self, self-propelled into Lux-like infamy.

John, sCare-oline and Munley - what a night!

Texas. Well, first a wrong turn at Kansas and a short drive through Oklahoma then ... Texas. The lesson? Never let Little Miss Risk and I drive late at night in unfamiliar territory. We started in Forth Worth with a burlesque troupe called Whiskey Makin' Mamas who they were a lot of fun. Fire and sideshow performances as well as some cute burlesque, they were new but starting off right. And TonUp Texas came out to support us which was pretty damned cool - I called L'il Bastard (TonUp Vancouver and long-time BJB drummer) from the line-up of bikes at the front of the club to let him know.

Whiskey Makin' Mamas show us how they hang onto their money ...

Austin was ... humid. But it is the music capital of the world and even though it was another Sunday show we had a blast at Beerland. Strangely next door at Emo's they had Vancouver's Black Halos on the stage. Jay kicks ass! We ran into some good buddies from Kelowna and some other friends of StageCoach's (hey Dave!) so we got the royal treatment. Also dug up an old friend of mine - Joe Lifto from the Jim Rose Circus - down at Casino El Camino !!

That's right maw, we're in Texas and we're stayin'!

We hit some great bars in Albequerque and El Paso on our back way west to Phoenix to see our best gal Cumorah! Man, this whole tour was about meeting up with old friends. We played through Bakersfield to see Joe and Trisha and although we were ridiculously late the crowd waited for us and they brought the house down. The trick to a great show? Show up five hours late...just kidding! We played a last minute punk show on Sunset in Silverlake with Texas Terry and TV Smith (when the Wasted Festival folded) and ended up headlining the Doll Hut in Anaheim, a place we always love to play. Portland with the Genitorturers was a blast (they asked us to tour with them for the rest of their tour!) then headed back up to Vancouver for a sold-out show at the Railway with Midnite and Seattle's Glitzkrieg Burlesque. It was so crowded it was hard to breathe!

"TODD'S FAULT / SELF-MEDICATION" TOUR
NOV - DEC 2005

We started out on the Urban Rush TV show in Vancouver, debuting a new burlesque number for a new song called "Aren't You Pretty" from the upcoming CD - Take Your Medicine". We embraced the madness and brought it to a crazy night at the Morrisey. There was an hour-long line-up down the block and we appreciate everyone who waited to get in - thanks to you it was one of our best Vancouver shows. Period.

We hit the Catwalk in Seattle for a show that was very last-minute and a club we had never played. It was great to play another show with Loretta Sin and Daisy Cutter of Glitzkrieg Burlesque heating things. Next time we'll make sure we have some more lead time but we got to play a bunch of songs we rarely play so no complaints. Spokane, the next night, was bloody awesome and the support bands were great. I was coming down with bronchitis so I missed much of it but sCare-oline took in the whole thing and was stoked by the time I got there. The B-Side was rockin, Spokane had all come out for the fun and we loved it! Even with my toasted throat ... and our buddy Wipson Chayns got it on video for Spokane Underground.

Look what sCare-oline found in Spokane

Montana. We always try to get to Montana a few times a year and Bozeman was there for us even though it was a Monday. They were so much fun I promised them a Saturday next time around and it looks like we'll be hitting Missoula again then as well. Missoula fun included sCare-oline nearly getting us turfed out of our hotel for loudly making bondage restraints. I invite the management to try, since they'll find themselves hog-tied if they try to go up against her! But Anaconda was really the hi-light. We had never been there but our buddy Darren at Section 8 put together a helluva night and the city came out in complete support. The Harp and Thistle was rocked like never before - they even drank a Montana bar out of Jager. How does that happen? Oh yeah, BJB & the Dollz came to town ;]

PUMPKINHEAD!! Wait, it's sCare-oline in Gregory's lampshade ...

We played a short set at Station 4 in St. Paul and have found a bar to call home in the twin cities. Once in St.Paul, Starlett Bourbon, Stagecoach and Little Miss Risk formed an archeological team and checked out the ancient remains in the basement of Station 4. Little Miss Risk still swears that she saw a mummy, but I don't believe her. Starlett was so tuckered out afterwards that she fell asleep on Todd, our tour manager. I'm sure he didn't mind.We are definitely going to be heading back. After a quick flirtation with Madison (and a pretty damn good Monday night) we headed back to Canada for a week.

A lovely duo of upright bassists in Michigan.

We played a few of the "401 Cities" (St Kitts & Hamilton) but the shows for us started in Ottawa. A cold snap was keeping all but the hardiest indoors yet we had goods turnout for our first show at Babylon in Ottawa, the Vatican in Toronto and Gert's (at McGill U) in Montreal. Good to see so many of our friends and to party with the new ones. Toronto was a blast, playing in the Vatikan. Little Miss Risk got hers by meeting with local burlesque dancers Penny Whistleton and Tanya Cheex from Skintight Outtasight.

Our buddy the "late" Bloodshot Bill, not dead, just late.

Back into the USA to play back towards home through the Midwest. Once in Appleton, after our show at Tom's Garage, we picked up our tour manager Todd. Being equal-oppertunist employers, we tend not to discriminate. Even if our tour manager is a stuffed leopard. Since the rest of the tour was a haze to us, we've decided to let Todd take over the narrative at this point:

TODD TAKES OVER . . .

Hello, this is my first time writing the tour stories, and I hope that it won't be the last. John can be so eloquent up to a point, and then his recollection tends to get hazy. I daresay that the conspicuous amount of Jagermeister that he consumes during the shows might have something to do with this. It might have been too that he was suffering from bronchitits and was having hallucinations due to the cough syrup that the doctor prescribed. In order to keep things in hand, Stagecoach and I shared the driving duties, but it must be said that the 'Coach has better reflexes.

"Any opportunity for a photo shoot" says Little Miss Risk.

Back into the States, the Dollz snuck off in Detroit to the Hard Rock Café where the band found them drinking Jager and causing trouble (and trying to steal Ted Nugent's guitar). I was trying to put them on probation, then the whole darn group snuck into the Michigan Theatre (or what's left of it...) I can't take them anywhere! I was spared having to discipline them due to the security guards chasing them off.

That's a baaad kitty ...

In Grand Rapids, playing with Delilah Dewyld and the Lost Boys was a thrill for sCare-oline meeting with another female stand up player, but the real fun was the morning after the show, when Stagecoach got to go to Marge's Donut's after waiting six long years to make the trip. When he told the ladies his story, not only was he plied with a free donut, but they treated him like a long-lost son and if we hadn't had to of driven to Milwaukee, they might have offered him they're daughters. Once there, we got to play with Bobby Rivera and the Rivireras and Blowtorch at Vnucks, which was a hell of a party (thanks guys, but I notice you weren't buying the leopard any drinks ...)

Chicago, which Starlett had eagerly been waiting for was our next night, and we had a blast playing with the boys in The Strangers and Hot Rod Huckers. One young fella was even good enough to lend sCare-oline a bass to borrow when her's decided that it didn't want to play ball that night. Back through Minneapolis, and into Fargo, both fun, fun shows. We were heading back home and we had a great party on those two nights, though I apologise to the ladies in the front row that I was giving the eye to - I must have lost your email addresses.

The band played straight through the next few days - Winnepeg, Regina, Saskatoon, Edmonton, Calgary and Red Deer and I saw the audience going wild for them night after night as John slowly got better and better after his illness. It wasn't until his birthday in Kananaskis that sCare-oline and Little Miss Risk made him blow out ALL his birthday candles, and eat cake off of one of the stomach of a young lady who had been dancing in the audience. Little Miss Risk claimed it was because she didn't have any paper plates!

The girls have a few words of their own to add ...

In Jasper it was another raunchy night of fun with John and sCare-oline getting into trouble...John and Rob tried to sweet-talk the hotel manager into giving up the key to the hot tub room. When that failed, Little Miss Risk tried her best to MacGuyver the door open...and failing. So the party became mobile as the revelers got a cab to search out a hot tub - no dice. So what's a party to do? Improvise! That night they found out that you can fit four adults into a bathtub with all the complimentary bath products and have a ghetto hot tub party. I'm holding a roll of film for blackmail purposes...

John, sCare-oline and Rob go over the Jasper end-of-night details.

We finished the shows in Revelstoke, Golden and Nakusp before the Dollz suffered a tassle blow-out and before Stagecoach could break another pair of sticks. I saw everyone home safely and I've been looking over John's shoulder to assure the finishing touches on the new CD are perfect.

Todd and Gregory have the big talk.